Hands Off My Hope!

Goldie the Goldfish

The day my Mom died last January, we got Ethan the book ''The Berenstain Bears Lose A Friend'. It's a story about Sister Bear's pet, Goldie the Goldfish, and what happened when Goldie died one day. We wanted something that we thought Ethan would be able to relate to on the topic of death, and when we read it to him we talked about how all living things - from people to goldfish - die. This was his bedtime book of choice for quite a while, and each time we got to the part about Goldie being in the 'Underwater Castle in the Sky', he asked if Nana was there with her, and was happy to learn that she was.

This book had taken a long hiatus, resting on the bookshelf for many months until just recently. It is back in the rotation and when we read it to Ethan (and Sasha, if she can sit through it long enough), we don't discuss it at the length the way we did earlier in the year. Sometimes, Ethan will ask when he can get a goldfish and what would happen if it dies so we talk about that. But Nana, for the most part, stays out of the conversation.

Earlier this week as I was getting dinner ready for the kids, Ethan came to me with a stuffed 'Grinch' that my Mom had given him two years ago when she was in the hospital. He was holding it tightly and told me it was a nice Grinch because it has a heart (it literally has a red heart sewn onto it). I said "Do you remember who gave you that Grinch?" and he said "Yes, Nana." I then told him that the Grinch has a heart because Nana loves him very, very much. This started a conversation not only about Nana, but Goldie the Goldfish as well:

Ethan: Is Nana with Goldie?

Me: Yes she is, and she is taking really good care of her. But even though we don't see Nana anymore, she is still with us. And she still loves you very, very much.

Ethan: Goldie died.

Me: Yes she did. But she lived a really good life.

Ethan: Nana died, too.

Me: Yes she did. And she lived a really good life, too.

Ethan: But how can Nana be with Goldie? Goldie is wrapped in a handkerchief.

In the story, Mama Bear wraps Goldie in a handkerchief. Sister Bear takes the handkerchief, puts in a small box, goes out to the backyard and buries the box with Goldie in it. I told Ethan that even though Goldie is wrapped in a handkerchief, she and Nana are still together. He gave me a look, and then he changed the topic.

It was a nice moment with Ethan, even though it was fleeting. It made me realize that although we don't talk about Nana every day, she is always with us and he still remembers her. And in his own way, he is trying to relate what happened to Sister Bear and Goldie with what happened to Nana. His 4-year-old mind is at work. 

Lessons Learned

Arghhhhhh! I am so incredibly frustrated.

As you know, my dad, sister and I have been working on ways to promote my Mom's book. It has been very slow-going because we all got busy with our lives, and we weren't really sure what or how we were going to promote it. We have a lot of ideas but just not the time to implement them all.

One crucial aspect of whatever marketing plan we have is a website. We look at a website as a place to send people who were looking for information, not necessarily as a tool that we are going to initially use in a full-blown web marketing campaign. My dad and I met with a web designer way back in September; it turns out this guy also has experience promoting books, so we were very pleased with what he said he could offer us. Well, fast-forward three-and-a-half months and I'll tell you what he can offer us: NOTHING. Hence, the title of this post.

I do not believe in a public bashing, so I won't mention this guy by name; I'll just call him Louis (but if you want to know who he is, drop me an email and I'll tell you about my experiences with him). My dad and I first met with Louis in the beginning of September - he came to me as a referral. He is a small business owner who designs websites as well as invents things. I don't know much about his work - and I didn't know much about his working style then. We had a good talk and he gave us some decent ideas of how to promote the book. My dad told him that we were looking for sponsors and Louis told us he'd be our first; he offered to design our website for free. Of course, my dad offered - and wanted - to pay him, but Louis declined. He wanted to donate the site to us.

I took the next week or so drafting the components of the site and emailed it - along with just a couple of pictures - to Louis. At first, the communication was open and flowing, but as time went on, I noticed that when asked for an update on the site, or the status on when it can be launched, it took him days to get back to me.

He eventually did get a 'sketch' of the site to me and I thought it looked great. I was excited that things were moving along and we would have a professionally-looking website to act as an 'anchor' of information. I was waiting for the site to be complete - and online - before I started sending out press releases to the local media, etc. But as time went on, I found myself waiting and waiting.

Louis and I did get together in early November; he wanted to talk to me about some cool things we could add to the site, such as ring-tones to download. I thought that was fine...but it was the site itself that I was interested in. I wanted to get it online, tie it into the blog and then talk about next steps. At this meeting, Louis also asked for more photos of my Mom, which I sent to him the following week. Since then, I hadn't heard from him.

Until now. I am not going to get into the details, but I tapped Louis to work on a piece of collateral for something completely different, that has nothing to do with Hands Off My Hope! When it came to light that what he produced was not what we were looking for, I simply told him that we were going to complete the project ourselves even though we had paid him. Apparently, Louis didn't like this answer and he asked for more specific feedback. I emailed him that what he provided was not what we asked for and we were going to finish it ourselves. Apparently this bruised Louis' ego a bit too much.

About four hours after this correspondence, he sent me the Hands Off My Hope! website files and told me never to contact him again. I couldn't believe it...I was flabbergasted. Actually, I was pissed. I couldn't believe that after 3 1/2 months of working and waiting, he was cutting this project loose. Actually, I don't mind that we are not working with him; I'm rather happy about that. What bothers me is that we wasted all of this time waiting on him...and he doesn't have the professionally courtesy to finish what he told us he would do because I hurt his feelings on a completely unrelated topic. It's rather unbelievable to me.

I think that what bothers me the most is that in this case, I did not follow my instincts. When I first met Louis and saw his work, I was a bit 'iffy' about his abilities. And during that meeting my dad and I had with him, I remember thinking 'this guy is full of shit.' He seemed to be all talk and no action. I didn't say anything to my dad about it and decided to give Louis the benefit of the doubt. After all, my dad seemed fairly impressed and my dad's opinion carries a lot of weight with me. Clearly though, my instinct was right, as it usually is. 

I'm sure there are a lot of lessons to learn in this episode with Louis, but I'm really not going to play and replay the elements in my head. But what I will remember is what I've always known...and that is to trust my instincts.

So if anyone knows the name of a web designer please let me know!

Mac or PC?

This is a question that really doesn't bring up a whole lot of debate. Those people who are used to a PC can't understand why anyone would want to use a Mac, and of course, those Mac loyalists cannot even fathom sitting down in front of a PC and being productive. All of my 'computer life' I have used an PC and have become used to the Windows world. So, in June of 2007 when my Mom finally decided that her 5-year-old laptop had indeed died, she wondered if maybe her next laptop should be a Mac.

I remember she came over one day and asked me "Should I get another Dell...or do you think maybe I should get a Mac?" I was a bit taken aback by the question, but then answered robotically "PC. You need to get another PC." I don't why I responded the way I did and was so closed-minded about my mom getting a Mac. She then went on to say that she had talked to a lot of people and most of them said that she should get a Mac. Again, my PC-loyalty got the better of me and told her "yeah, but you are comfortable on a PC. There might be some differences on the Mac that throw you off." Clearly I wasn't giving my mom enough credit with her computer skills, but in all fairness I was basing that on the many questions she had asked me over the years about her Dell.

Well, long story not so long - she ended up getting a Mac. And she went all out when she bought her MacBook. She added all sorts of peripherals (isn't that the technical word?) and could have been labeled the ideal Mac customer that is every salesperson's dream. Oh, she bought training, too.

Why am I bringing this up now, you wonder. Because as I post this entry I must admit I am using my mom's brand new Mac. My trusty PC laptop crapped out on me last week and is currently in 'the shop' while I am awaiting it's diagnosis and prognosis. Very frustrating. And in the meantime, I need a computer. This poor Mac got maybe two good months of use before it sat idle for months in my parents' office. I used it occasionally when I went over to my dad's throughout this past year, and last week when I wondered how I would get through the day without access to a computer, I remembered I wouldn't have to.

I told my dad that I didn't 'want' the computer, just access to it. He said I could have it because it's not
doing much good just sitting in his office.  He doesn't use it and doesn't want to use it. Remember, he still refers to computers as 'machines.'

I must admit, I am really liking the Mac. It not only looks good, it performs well. I've had no problems with it whatsoever, and it is overall easier than my PC, which is a bit 'clunky' in its performance. I do want - and need - my laptop to be OK because there are bunches and bunches of files and pictures on it that I want and need. But assuming it comes back from the shop tuned and raring to go, I don't know if I'll be able to hand this Mac back over to my dad.

And in the few days that I have been using this computer, I have been thinking about my Mom and how happy I am that in this instance, she did not listen to me and take my advice.