I realize I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. I'm kind of feeling uninspired and every time I think I should post something, I wonder what I would say. It seems that the holidays arrived earlier than usual this year with the decorations going up in some places right after Halloween. And with every reminder that they are indeed coming, I realized more and more how happy I will be when they are over.
But now here it is, the day before Thanksgiving. There is no escape anymore...especially since tomorrow Andy will be making the Thanksgiving turkey at our house that we will (hopefully) enjoy at my dad's (just kidding Andy...I know it will be GREAT!). I am trying to get into the "holiday spirit" but I can't seem to get there and I don't want to force myself into it.
One night last week as my dad and I had our nightly phone chat, I told him that I am really not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. Like a good father, he asked "why." I was kind of surprised by that, wanting him to simply empathize with me rather than prompt me to talk about it, but regardless I answered "because...I just think it's going to be really hard." He said "Yes, it is going to be hard...but it's important that we are doing it." Once again, my dad proved to me why I love him so much with his pragmatic and simple answer. It is important that we are doing it.
My family always does Thanksgiving with the Fallek's, close friends of the family, and we always trade off doing it at their place and at my parents' place; last year it was at the Fallek's. Each year before we eat, we go around the table and say what we are thankful for - this is a tradition my mom began many years ago. Last year was especially poignant, given the health of my mom, yet she did manage to announce that "next year we will have Thanksgiving at our place." And so this year we will be at my dad's.
Obviously there will be a void, an absence at the table and a tone to the day. A friend who lost her mom 29 years ago told me that she will be wearing a piece of her mother's jewelry tomorrow in order to feel close to her, and she suggested that I do the same. I thought that was a good idea, and I will, but I don't know if it will settle my uneasiness for the day, and calm my eagerness for the day to be over.
My mom always loved Thanksgiving and the holidays and now we are faced to get through these milestones without her. Such is the nature of the beast. Regardless of how important it is that we do it, as my dad says, I am still looking forward to the dishes being done, the table being put back to normal, and the leftovers being eaten.
Comments