OK, I realize it has been months since I last posted, and it certainly was not my intention to start this blog and then suddenly stop. But as time went on and I posted more and more it dawned on me that the "purpose" of this blog was getting muffled. In my mind, it went from "let me share with you what we're doing with my mom's book" to a "let me tell you about my grief." Not that there's anything wrong with that (to quote Seinfeld), but in some respects I didn't want to burden you with my thoughts, which I thought might be happening.
So I stopped writing and posting altogether. And we sort of put the brakes on marketing my mom's book. We needed to catch our breaths, let some time pass and really think about what it is we want to do with the book. We needed focus and direction. And we needed to continue to grieve.
During this time, many of you asked me why I stopped posting, or what was going on with the book, and I really appreciate that...it's nice to know that you still care! But it was at dinner one night last month with my oldest friend (you know who you are) when I realized that I needed to get back to this blog. She helped curb my insecurities with it, helped me understand that what I was expressing was not only OK but important, and helped me realize that I can put a couple of sentences together in a meaningful way. She also helped me realize how lucky I am to have her as a friend...we go back to fifth grade and although we only see each other once or twice a year, when we do get together we start up right where we last left off. She is a life-long friend and I thank her for all the support she has provided to me during this time.
So, here I am writing again and I'm pretty happy to be doing so. I'm also happy to report that my dad, Stacey and I now have some energy to devote to marketing my mom's book and spreading her message. I will be posting what our plans are soon, and we're excited about where this next phase in the journey takes us. First on the list is a website, which will be built soon to accompany this blog.
You know, two days before she died my mom said to me "I want you to help market my book when I'm gone," a request she would not have made if it wasn't so, so important to her. I don't feel it's an obligation to carry out that request, but more of something that I want and need to do. But then I look at the dedication of "Hands Off My Hope!" and read these words:
This book is dedicated to my grandchildren, Ethan and Sasha. You live in the moment, walk in sunshine, and share that with me every day...We have a very special bond! I love you...Nanna
It's when I read those words that I feel obliged to carry on my mom's legacy. Ethan and Sasha will never know my mom the way they should, and they will never experience again the utmost love she had for them. They lost their Nanna. But through her message of Hope, and through her gritty determination to live a great life with a devastating disease, and through her desire to help others walk down the road she walked...they can see the type of woman she was and learn so much about her eve though she's not here to help them learn it. And that's important.
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