During my mom's final three months, she employed a care-giver named Laura. She was initially hired to help my mom after she broke her hip in October - it was supposed to be a short-term gig for Laura. Then my mom's health started to slide down-hill and Laura ended up helping my mom - and dad - until the end. My mom immediately took a strong liking to Laura and although she was in her life entirely too short, I know that Laura played a tremendous role in my mom's final few months. In fact, Laura brought her husband and four daughters over to my parents' place this past New Year's Eve so her family could meet my mom. My dad got some cookies, and Laura's family enjoyed some quality time with my mom and dad.
I am bringing this up because last week, I received an email from Laura's oldest daughter, Lyndsi, who is a senior in high school. She said she was doing a research paper on the value of kindness and giving, and thought that my mom was one of the best examples she could think of to conclude her paper. She wanted to know if she could ask me some questions to help her gain an even better understanding of who my mom was and why she did what she did. Of course, I was flattered and told her that I would absolutely answer any questions she had.
We met for coffee; it was fun meeting Lyndsi, and much to my surprise and delight, Laura was there, too. We talked about a lot of things, but all conversations led back to my mom; perhaps that's because we were there to talk about her! As far as I know, Lyndsi only met my mom that one time on New Year's Eve, but it was clear to me that my mom made quite an impression on her. She talked about reading her book, bringing it to school, showing it to her friends and sharing it with others. She also talked about the little bit of time she spent with my parents that night, remembering some of the things she talked about with my mom, and the cookies my dad brought.
It was an interesting time with Laura and Lyndsi. It gave me the opportunity to see how my mom impacted people she just met as well as those that she didn't know that long. From our conversation, it was clear to me that they both thought my mom was a very special person. More than that though, our conversation helped me understand the bond my mom had with Laura and her willingness to let people into her life.
This past New Year's Eve was not a good one for my parents; they met with my mom's doctor just that afternoon and determined it was time to set up hospice care. Stacey, Evan, Andy, the kids and I were over at their place for dinner, and although we didn't yet know about mom's prognosis, it was still a fairly somber meal. She didn't eat, but my mom was at the table with us for a bit. During that time, I remember looking at her and thinking how sick she was. She didn't talk and she wasn't engaged. Rather she was withdrawn, yet she wanted to be with us for as long as she could. Half-way through dinner though, she excused herself to go lay down.
We left their place early - partly because of my mom's health, and partly because we needed to get Sasha to bed. About one hour later, Laura, Lyndsi and the rest of their family arrived at my parents' place. Despite being so sick and feeling so awful, my mom wanted to see Laura and meet her family. It was important to her, I know. She could have very easily asked my dad to call Laura and tell her not to come, but that was not what she wanted. It was important to see them that night. As Lyndsi, Laura and I discussed that evening, I learned that my mom was engaged in the conversation and genuinely pleased to see them all.
Some might wonder if it makes me feel badly that my mom wasn't engaged with her own family at dinner that same night, but fairly engaged with people she just met. My answer is No. My mom could be however she wanted to be around us, and by that time she knew she didn't need to put on a "healthy face" just to appease us. But that's not the point of this. Rather, my point is that here it is, five months later my mom's impact still holds. Her book is being read and making an impact. Her actions are remembered, and making an impact. And there is tremendous comfort in that.
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