Okay, I know the intent of this blog was to carry my mom's message forward and chronicle what we are doing to get her book out there. Every now and then, of course, we will throw in information on breast cancer, cancer awareness, events, etc. that relate to my mom and her message. Today, however, I can't help but bring it down to a more personal level. Two events are happening this weekend that literally define my mom: the Twin Cites Race for the Cure and Mother's Day. And I wonder why I am feeling so sad.
Although I am a mother of two beautiful, extraordinary children, Mother's Day for me has always been about celebrating my mom, not really about me being a mom. Sure, it was fun four years ago when I was pregnant with Ethan on Mother's Day and my mom got me an awesome chenille baby blanket. And it was meaningful to be able to celebrate being a mom with my mom on the subsequent Mother's Days, but again, it was more about her than me. Of course, I knew this year this day would be different and I wondered how it would be for me. Oddly, I didn't feel myself getting sad when I first saw all the Mother's Day cards at the grocery store or Target; I just put it out of my mind and kept walking through the store. But today I am noticing more of a pronounced pit in my heart.
Then there is the Race for the Cure, which as you know, is this Sunday, Mother's Day. We have a team of family and friends walking with us this year, which is fantastic. I went to pick up everyone's t-shirts yesterday (yes, at the Mall of America) and the reality of the situation just kind of hit me. Among all the activity at the Shop for the Cure and the Team Pick Up area, my mom was not there. I mean, of course she was not there, but she should be, you know?
So Stacey, my dad and I are facing the next couple of days...days that have so much meaning to my mom and for my mom...without her. Obviously I'm not telling you anything you don't know. I don't really know what I am trying to tell you...maybe I just want to tell you I'm feeling very unproductive today and I need to explain why. Or perhaps I just want to tell you that I feel like going for a run. Or maybe I just want you to know that my mom died four months ago and the first Mother's Day and Race for the Cure without her is this Sunday and it's going to be really difficult.
Hmmm...not sure which it is. But as I look out the window, I see the sun trying to peek through the clouds, so I might take this opportunity of feeling unproductive and wanting to go for a run and see if I can't marry the two.
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